I found this picture of her as a younger woman and thought she looked pretty and happy, so I wanted to share it. She had just opened a present, but I don't know which birthday or event, and it looks like she was admiring a new black sweater.
The last few months have been quite a journey and it is hard to believe that both Mom and Dad are now gone. For those of you who don't know the story, Mom fell and broke her arm in two places the day after Dad passed away in December. It was difficult for her to work through the pain and fear of her new situation. She was very weak and physically frail, although she remained spirited - living up to her life-long nickname "Snapper" until the very end.
For many years, she had loved anything having to do with angels and as I think about her struggle to recover from the loss of Dad, regain the use of her arm, walk again and deal with the pain of a serious pressure sore, I'm reminded of the Train song, Calling All Angels.
I need a sign to let me know you're here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup
When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said
And I'm calling all angels
I'm calling all you angels ...
After 6+ weeks at The Hampton (photo taken in their Library), we moved her back to Holly Hall, into HealthCare. She was glad to be back and thought her new room was beautiful, but she was still suffering with the pressure sore. Her best day was when the Medicare/Medicaid inspectors came and spent a lot of time with her - asking questions about Holly Hall and the care she was receiving. She told them very good things and seemed proud to have been asked her opinion - she told Ramona "I laid it on thick!"
The beginning of the end was Sunday, when she became extremely weak, but she was still able to tell Ed exactly what she would and would not do, in terms of her medicine. On Monday morning she was barely conscious and we took her to the ER where we learned that she had, or was having, a heart attack and was going into septic shock from infection stemming from the pressure sore and bladder.
She was very worried about how she would battle back to better health and knew that she didn't have much fight left in her. While she was unable to say many things, just a few words put together now and then, she said thank you, she said she didn't know what was wrong with her and that she felt that she was dying. She was right.
Even though we tried, Mom's passing was not as peaceful as Dad's and I regret that. Being in an ICU/CCU setting puts you at the mercy of physicians trained to go to extra measures to save or prolong lives. They are well versed at stating opinions to overshadow legal documents backing up a patients wish. At 5am on Valentine's Day, they intubated and put Mom on a ventilator and by 3:30pm she was unable to maintain her blood pressure and her heart was racing. Even then, she was fighting.
Everyone was there and we listened to music selected for Dad's service/family lunch, which still has not taken place. When Earth, Wind and Fire came into the mix with "Sing a Song", in my mind I could hear her saying "NANNETTE, turn that music down!" In a short while, when her respiration was limited to the output of the ventilator, we asked them to remove the equipment and let the struggle be over.
And now there is peace.
This is just a silly photo I took of Mom with my cell phone last May, on the way back to Holly Hall after one of our many trips to the doctor. We had just gotten her hair done and she looked cute. Growing that last perm out of her hair and changing styles was another memorable struggle!
Godspeed, Mom and thank you for showing me that inner strength can overcome a lot of limitations.
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